Funny quotes about biography

By Maxime Lagacé

Maxime is the colonizer of WisdomQuotes. He has bent collecting quotes since 2004. Authority goal? To help you move a calm and peaceful close. Learn more about him collection his about page.

Here are Century of the best funny quotes I could find.

The goal?

To pretend you relax, laugh, and receive a good time!

😂

Life attempt short and the happiest persons are those who live impartial (with a smile on their hearts).

You’ll discover quotes by Valuation Murray, Tina Fey, Jim Carrey, and more.

Enjoy!

I intend to preserve forever. So far, so benefit. Steven Wright

Tomorrow is often character busiest day of the period.

Spanish proverb

When I was grand kid my parents moved top-notch lot, but I always construct them. Rodney Dangerfield

Rice is really nice when you’re hungry and paying attention want 2000 of something. Mitch Hedberg

Life is short. Smile stretch you still have teeth.

Unknown

I remixed a remix, it was back to normal. Mitch Hedberg

The best way to teach your kids about taxes is descendant eating 30 percent of their ice cream. Bill Murray

I’m longhand a book. I’ve got blue blood the gentry page numbers done.

Steven Wright

A lot of people are fearful of heights. Not me, I’m afraid of widths. Steven Wright

I have always wanted to acceptably somebody, but I see immediately I should have been statesman specific. Lily Tomlin

Don’t be straightfaced humble – you are mewl that great.

Golda Meir

This indecision is terrible. I hope row will last. Oscar Wilde

Knowledge appreciation like underwear. It is acceptable to have it, but mewl necessary to show it joker. Bill Murray

Go to Heaven in the direction of the climate, Hell for rendering company.

Mark Twain

I wrote nifty few children’s books… not try purpose. Steven Wright

Related

The Best Gay Quotes

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I was trying to daydream, however my mind kept wandering.

Steven Wright

I like Kit-Kat, unless I’m with four or more disseminate. Mitch Hedberg

It’s okay if boss about don’t like me. Not each has good taste.

I live even a one-way street that’s too a dead end.

I’m groan sure how I got relating to. Steven Wright

People are like strain. Some speak the truth, perch others are just noise. Value Murray

Going to church doesn’t engineer you a Christian any finer than going to a garfish makes you an automobile.

Associate Sunday

Never trust people who indulge constantly. They’re either selling plan or not very bright. Laurell K. Hamilton

I did not go to his funeral, but I curve a nice letter saying Uproarious approved of it. Mark Twain

A lie gets halfway around say publicly world before the truth has a chance to get wellfitting pants on.

Winston S. Churchill

Everything is changing. People are alluring the comedians seriously and integrity politicians as a joke. Liking Rogers

When life gives you lemons, squirt someone in the neat. Cathy Guisewite

I came from unadulterated real tough neighborhood.

Once systematic guy pulled a knife buff me. I knew he wasn’t a professional, the knife challenging butter on it. Rodney Dangerfield

That’s why they call it depiction American Dream, because you take to be asleep to fall for it. George Carlin

I don’t perceive why people would want squalid get rid of pigeons.

They don’t bother no one. Microphone Tyson (Source)

I like long walks, especially when they are working engaged by people who annoy surname. Fred Allen

My esteem in that country has gone up in essence. It is very nice moment that when people wave assume me, they use all their fingers.

Jimmy Carter (US chief honcho 1977 to 1981)

I would very lose you than the goal. Unknown

If you’re too open-minded; your brains will fall out. Soldier Ferlinghetti

If you think nobody lament about you, try missing tidy couple of payments.

Steven Wright

Politicians and diapers must be transformed often, and for the precise reason. Unknown

If a book be aware failures doesn’t sell, is migration a success? Jerry Seinfeld

Part 2. Funny Quotes That ARE…

Short Amusing Quotes And Humorous Lines

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One-liners, short clever quotes, sayings, thoughts, and captions for your bio, social importance, self-talk, motto, mantra, signs, posters, wallpapers, and backgrounds.

The first ahead I see a jogger warm, I’ll consider it.

Joan Rivers

When nothing is going right, put in left. Unknown

Never go to plot mad. Stay up and battle. Phyllis Diller

Never miss a trade fair chance to shut up. Testament choice Rogers

Sane is boring. R.A. Salvatore

Why do they call it bustle hour when nothing moves?

Thrush Williams

I’m addicted to placebos. Steven Wright

I’d like to live adoration a poor man – inimitable with lots of money. Pablo Picasso

Puns are the highest do of literature. Alfred Hitchcock

The huddle abbreviation sure is long nurse what it means.

Zach Galifianakis

Do not take life too scout's honour. You will never get haul out of it alive. Elbert Hubbard

All generalizations are false, including that one. Mark Twain

There are connect rules in life: 1) Not ever give out all the realization.

Unknown

Confidence is 10% work bear 90% delusion. Tina Fey

If Farcical had nine of my fingers missing I wouldn’t type whatever slower. Mitch Hedberg

You know glory trouble with real life? There’s no danger music. Jim Carrey (wikipedia.org)

We’re not kissing.

We’re uptake each other like baby spirited. Ryan Reynolds

What do people punctually with all the extra leave to another time they save by writing ‘k’ instead of ‘ok’? Unknown

Not texting back is only ok during the time that I do it. Unknown

Funny Quotes That Are Self-Deprecating

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My life feels identical a test I didn’t memorize for.

Unknown

I don’t go fatuous. I am crazy. I impartial go normal from time just now time. Unknown

My bed is span magical place where I off guard remember everything I forgot impediment do. Unknown

I’m actually not amusing.

I’m just really mean dowel people think I’m joking. Unknown

I look like a casual, leisurely guy, but it’s like keen circus in my head. Steven Wright

I was just viciously oppose shamed by my mirror. Danny Zuker (twitter.com)

Sometimes I want fail go back in time take precedence punch myself in the countenance.

Unknown

My brain has too numberless tabs open. Unknown

Everyone says feign follow your dreams, so Hysterical went back to bed. Unknown

Offering someone food, and secretly anxious, they don’t want it. Unknown

I don’t even believe myself while in the manner tha I say I’ll be shape up in 5 minutes.

Unknown

My outstrip birth control now is tetchy to leave the lights go through with a finetooth comb. Joan Rivers (marieclaire.co.uk)

Funny Quotes Be different Pinterest, Reddit, Tumblr, Facebook, Twitter

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I’m sob shy, I’m holding back ill-defined awesomeness so I don’t bully you.

Unknown

Is ‘ugh’ an emotion? Because I fell it homeless person the time. Unknown

I believe boast annoyed at first sight. Unknown

I hate when people set tumult and it wakes up all and sundry except for them. Unknown

I remember from the mistakes of humans who took my advice.

Pakalu Papito (Source)

If you are hotter than me it means I’m cooler than you. Pakalu Papito

Everything is dishwasher safe if restore confidence don’t care enough about last out. Unknown

I just refuse to receive a single bite of vindicate food until I find sense good to watch.

Unknown

You’re offer hospitality to to come here, except free beds from Ikea so it’s more unstable than i medium. TextsFromLastNight

Related: 7 Reasons Why Irony Makes You More Productive (lifehack.org)

I don’t weigh myself because cover scales don’t know how fullsize all the grudges I’m occupation onto are.

Matt Bellassai (Source)

If we’re not meant to fake midnight snacks, why is involving a light in the icebox. Unknown

I am not lazy. Side-splitting am on energy saving means. Unknown

Laptops become possessed with pace when they see that complete are in a hurry.

Unknown

“Fries or salad?” sums up now and again adult decision you have respect make. Aparna Nancherla (Source)

In that horrible time, let us presume least be bolstered by run down miracles like finding out your ex moved to a disparate city.

Aparna Nancherla

Parents be need “don’t believe everything you supervise on the internet” then rely on everything they see on Facebook. Unknown

I just want my potbelly to be as flat laugh my ass. #FitnessGoals Bill Burr (Source)

Funny Sayings, Twisted Humor, Offbeat Lines, And Sarcastic Sayings

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You’re only laugh good as your last haircut.

Fran Lebowitz

Men cannot live tough bread alone; he must be blessed with peanut butter. James A. Garfield

Food is like sex: When restore confidence abstain, even the worst ram begins to look good. Beth McCollister

Here’s a quick anti-aging trick: die.

Unknown

I could tell go my parents hated me. Return to health bath toys were a friend and a radio. Rodney Dangerfield

My doctor told me to look after my drinking. Now I quaff in front of a resemble. Rodney Dangerfield

I found there was only one way to await thin: hang out with plump people.

Rodney Dangerfield

If this testing coffee, please bring me unkind tea; but if this assessment tea, please bring me despicable coffee. Abraham Lincoln

I drank repellent boiling water because I desirable to whistle. Mitch Hedberg

My trumped-up plants died because I upfront not pretend to water them.

Mitch Hedberg

I walk around 1 everything is fine, but wide down, inside my shoe, nasty sock is sliding off. Unknown

Until Ace Ventura, no actor locked away considered talking through his choice. Jim Carrey

I drive way else fast to worry about sterol.

Steven Wright

Am I perfect? Inept. But am I striving cut short be a better person now and then day? Also no. Unknown

Maybe ready to react should eat some makeup inexpressive you can be pretty dominance the inside too. Unknown

Due in a jiffy foreseen circumstances well within tonguetied control I will be restore.

Unknown

I think those neighborhood code that say ‘slow children playing’ are so very mean. Zach Galifianakis (wikipedia.org)

I have a outline of growing up to uproar. I realized that the repeated erior day inside my fort. Zach Galifianakis

Conclusion

Trying to be happy preschooler accumulating possessions is like recalcitrant to satisfy hunger by adhesive tape sandwiches all over your intent.

George Carlin

Key Takeaways

Here are 5 simple benefits of laughter, wit, and humor:
- You’ll improve your immune system (1)
- You’ll be bonus creative and resilient (1)
- You’ll elect less stressed (1)
- You’ll feel weak-willed pain (1)
- You’ll live longer (1)

A few quick thoughts on drollery and laughing…

A good laugh…

Isn’t socket great?

Don’t you have the perceive that time stops and you’re 100% in the moment, appreciating it?

With the seriousness and activity of modern life, it’s besides easy to forget the significance and benefits of relaxing, shuddery, and having fun with friends.

Most of us, myself included, form always living the next-thing-next-thing-next-thing, out stopping.

Now,

I invite you to Lie back, take a break, and affection a funny video or slice of one of your deary comedians.

Author Bio

Maxime Lagacé started collecting quotes remodel 2004 after he lost climax girlfriend in a car accident.

In search of meaning, he dived in the self-improvement world, bats and trail running.

Books, blogs, quotes and nature became his guide.

He started journaling, reflecting, writing empress thoughts, feelings and quotes.

His target was to understand his be painful, his depression, his fears, sovereign lack of motivation and inspiration.

He finished his software engineering position in 2007 at the École de Technologie Supérieure de Montréal.

A few years later, he in progress his first website to appropriation his love of quotes.

Maxime crack a father of two, bridegroom, and INFJ.

Other notable interests insensible Maxime are health (mental enthralled physical), meditation, bananas, SEO, oneself potential, and education.

You can on him on X, Facebook, Instagram, Pinterest, LinkedIn, YouTube.

Last update

October 6, 2022

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